Fantasizing about having an affair with an imaginary person is the way to go…or not.

Lately, since the whole breakup, my mind keeps wandering in ero-fantasy land.  It’s bad enough that I can’t control myself day dreaming anytime or anywhere, but does it have to be with an imaginary dude that my mind conjures (prolly from all the [hot] guys that I’ve met or seen in my young and restless life) ? I have no clue if it’s any better if you fantasize about someone you DO know, but at least you don’t seem like a crazy nitwit when you share that hot sex scene that keeps replaying in your mind with your friends.

Again while I was in the bus today, going back home after work, it happened. I stared off in space and dreamed of being in Hawaii by myself, looking for some adventure.  At a small and cozy restaurant by the beach, I met an unbelievably gorgeous guy, which is kinda ridiculous when I put it that way, since his face was blurred in my mind. We hit it off and hooked up after a few rounds of heavy flirting and petting down by the beach (I’ll leave myself a little modesty). Then, forces of human nature–or to be exact, WOman nature–came crashing in… I went back to Montreal, he came and joined me and we lived happily ever after. Sucks to say, but I really do need a reality check. I do hate the fact that it always goes from erotic/sensual to romance and then finally, to dull. It’s a friggin’ fantasy for cryin’ out loud!!

Got your heart broken ? Join the club.

When you’ve been in a long-term relationship (in my case, it was six years), how do you go from being lovers one day to being complete strangers the day after? Is friendship an option or is it better to erase that person completely from your entourage? 

These past few months, I’ve been reading self-help books and articles to maybe find the answers to the questions that keep lurking in my head. Still, I feel pretty lost.

I’ve always believed in fighting for love instead of the same old cliché we hear all the time “if you love something, set it free…”. But I’ve reached my deadend. My patience is almost at its end and my hopes are nothing but ashes now. Nothing I do helps, and everything I do just makes things worst. Heaven knows that I tried for so long, invested everything I had, is what I did. However, it makes me so mad to think that all of that was in vain. 

My long time lover, friend and accomplice in life has left me, it’s been 4 months. He blamed me for our downfall and shut me off completely (well technically, we still saw each other quite a few times afterwards when nature called, but that’s over now). This was not the first time we broke up, but I guess it would be the last. After all the heartbreaks and painful memories, you’d think I’d learn my lesson, but still I kept going back for more.

There’s something about being dumped… Somehow, you can’t quite picture the “end” of the relationship if you don’t drag yourself further in the mud. I regret to say, these past few months I did some shameful things. But that would be another story.